June 14th 2021 was my last day working as a store supervisor for a shoe retailer in my home town. After nearly 5 years in retail and working my way from minimum wage sales associate to slightly-higher-than-minimum wage key-holder, I learned that a future in retail wasn't going to cut it for me. But why would it? As a student aged zillenial, why would I even consider retail as the life-long path my career took?
Well, I wasn't in school. One traumatic life-event in 2019 had me out of school and on a Medical Leave of Absence in the spring semester of my senior year. Sure, I was looking at being a super-senior the following year (my heart goes out to Covid graduates), but having to leave school for my own well-being had me misinterpreting what actually led me to leave, and soon I had forgotten how much I enjoyed school and how fulfilled I was by earning a higher education. After the first month of leave, I had resigned myself to working full-time in retail. I was going to climb the ladder from sales associate to manager to visual merchandiser, where fashion and organisation met and mingled and called to me.
But I was never going to make it to visual merchandiser. Not at the first retailer I worked for, anyway. But another company gave me the opportunity to work as a store supervisor, a step in the right direction, I thought. But merchandising with shoes is a lot different than with clothing, and I found my path to visual merchandising blocked. If I were to continue moving up, it would be to store manager heights, and from what I saw of store managing, that was not an appealing move. As personable and energetic as my store manager was, I saw her struggle to balance her work and personal lives, the two always bleeding together as she was perpetually on-call for both. Her stress in dealing with family emergencies and apathetic higher-ups trickled down to our small team that stretched itself to support the store when she couldn't stretch any farther. I admired her strength, but I pitied her fate. It wasn't the fate I wanted for myself.
I was still young, only 23, no family or real heavy responsibilities preventing me from choosing an entirely new path. I knew if I didn't make a change then, soon I wouldn't have the means to. So, I quit.
I quit under the manic drive to write a book. A fiction novel? A memoir? A collection of poems? I had no idea, I was just going to write. And I told everyone. Most everyone was happy for me, excited, even jealous of this incredible once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to drop everything and pursue my craft. Most everyone was skeptical, too. I had never boasted writing anything but a few poems that I had posted on Instagram a few years prior, but since deleting my social media, there was no evidence I was writing anything. That coupled with my bright-eyed cluelessness about plot, it was clear that this adventure wasn't really going anywhere. At least, not anywhere I was banking on.
In the few months following June 2019, I started a sewing class that met once a week where I chose a pattern and a fabric and put together a dress from scratch. It was my first sewing project ever, and it came out incredible. In September I auditioned for my prior-university's production of The Rocky Horror Picture Show (which was open to community members) and was cast as Dr. Scott. It was my first time performing on stage, ever, and I didn't wholly embarrass myself.
Now back on campus after nearly two years, I familiarised myself with the school again: its buildings, its smell, its unorganised administration. It felt strange to be back after everything I had experienced. I felt strange, now 24 and a self-proclaimed drop-out, rehearsing for a show at my old school with students mostly of the ages 18-21. I felt old and out of place. A trespasser. But not a single person I interacted with made me feel that way, only myself. The truth is, I loved being back at school, among peers, experiencing a sprinkle of the hustle and bustle of student life in the evenings before rehearsal, the hustle and bustle I lived for and excelled in. I met and made friends with people in every stage of undergrad and I thought... why don't I just go back?
Now, in the nearly two years I had been on medical leave from school I had often referred to myself as a college dropout because I imagined that I'd surpass the two year medical leave window and just continue working retail for the rest of my life. On a few occasions I insisted that I'd be one of the few (or many) people who make it comfortably in this world without a degree. Anyone who even suggested that I couldn't, or shouldn't, just fuelled my fire. But I was kidding myself. I have always been a school person, through and through. I've always achieved good grades, had good relationships with my educators, and excelled with structure and scheduled goals. I thrive in a school environment, so why did I resign myself to an entire life of rejecting it? The short answer is that the traumatic event I endured tainted my memories of my student experience. But now that I was back, I was reminded of how much I loved university.
So from December 2021 to January 2022, I busted my ass to re-enroll in my school, even though I was technically over the two-year leave period. I was evaluated, recommended, advised, and accepted, and in the spring of this year, I was officially a student again and finally able to finish my senior year.
That brings me to today, June 14th 2022. I didn't write the book I said I'd write. I didn't even come close. But, I sewed a dress, I performed on-stage, and I re-enrolled in school. Hell, I even put this little website together. I fell in love, too (although that's a story for another time). And the same production company that casted me last fall elected me secretary for the upcoming academic year.
So, as far as "The Year I Took Off to Write" goes, I don't have anything to show for that. But as far as another year in my life goes, I think I did alright.
And for anyone wondering what this means for my getting a job, I have an interview to teach an art class tomorrow. I may have gone back to school, but there's no way I'm going back to retail.
Yorumlar